Wait, what's different?

I'll tell ya what's different...BIRTHDAYS!

Birthday Mardi Gras used to be a week-long affair dedicated entirely to personal indulgence. Pedicure. Massage. Shopping. Cake. Did I mention cake?

Birthday Mardi Gras, post marriage and delivery, is now shorter.

And more like Festivus. For the rest of us.

First, there are the "Feats of Strength." These happen mainly when rising from slumber or bending at the waist for any reason.

Then there is the "Airing of Grievances." This happens mainly in front of the bathroom mirror or while riding side-saddle with the hubster in dense traffic.

Then there is the dinner, a full sprint through drinks, hors d' oeuvres, salad, entree, dessert, and Andes mint before the battery on the portable DVD player dies, signaling a scant 35 seconds before Caesar (or Jackson, our 15-month-old son) launches into an ear-splitting wail of displeasure.

Did I mention drinks?

Next is the pole. I got nothing (printable).

Finally, we have Festivus Miracles, described at Wikipedia as "minor coincidences that are inconvenient for one of the involved parties." Charlie and I drove an hour to a movie theater in Longview, Texas, that should offer a free tetanus shot before walking through its doors. I timidly approached the ancient box office for two tickets to The Happening, the latest from M. Knight Shyamalan (worth the gas money), only to hear from the booth clerk that every theater in the place is functioning properly EXCEPT the one showing The Happening. Bad bulb, he says to me.

Regarding birthdays, I rest my case.