Sadie

I had the most extraordinary dream last night.

Truth be told, I’m not sleeping well, not waking rested, even though I am unconscious for at least 8, sometimes 10, hours. I awake feeling very heavy in my body and feeling like I cannot physically drag myself out of bed. I’ve also gained 10 pounds inexplicably.

I know now that my body is telling me my thyroid is off again.

The energy it requires to call my NP and schedule the labs is almost insurmountable. I called my Louisiana sister instead. She’d been texting me from her doctor appointment, so I just hit that little phone button next to her name. Somehow that was easier than calling my NP, even though I have her number memorized.

We chatted briefly. I confessed my sin to her of neglecting to call my NP because she has a similar health issue and knows how it feels to be trapped under something heavy. And then she very abruptly had to go. They were calling her back.

So I called me NP.

Closed for lunch. Dammit. See?!

There was a heavy sense of urgency. That tightening of the jaw where I also thrust the tip of my tongue high and hard into the roof of my mouth but seldom realize I am doing it. A cinder block sits on my shoulders and chest. Breathing is difficult but I am forcing myself to take regular, purposeful, noisy breaths.

I can feel tremendous pressure between my legs. Something is presenting, and in quite a hurry.

I make my way around the corner struggling to walk faster and yet trying to prevent the mass between my legs from falling out.

I see Chris and verbally sigh a relief. “Oh, God, Chris. I’ve got to get into a bed. This baby is here!”

Chris grabs an instrument, kneels down before me, and peers under my dress to see all but the baby’s head protruding from my body.

In a flash, I am reclining on a hospital bed and being handed my baby. “Sadie,” I say aloud, and she clamps perfectly onto my left nipple, and the milk flows heavily into both my breasts. She feeds fully and deeply, and I can feel the difference from when Jackson fed. And my heart aches from the damned memory of our struggle.

She is perfect. Beautiful. Tiny. Pink. Healthy. She is a dream.

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A Slight Change of Plans

We had the best weekend planned...

My sister had a baby almost six months ago, her second but our first girl--Georgia. Finally, we would get to meet her and love on her.

My brother and his lady would also come in to visit with her, and we would all bed down and chill at our place, small but cozy, with lots of good food and warm love.

Then Jackson got sick.

Well, technically, Jackson has been "sick" his whole life. When he was still in my belly, he was diagnosed with kidney reflux. Vesicoureteral reflux (VUR), to be exact. We knew as soon as he was born that we would have to discharge from labor and delivery at the hospital and go straight over to the pediatric hospital. I remember pushing exhaustively through 3 hours of active labor, and Dr. Morgan saying to me, "If this baby doesn't soon come, we're going to have to do a C-section." I knew I was not about to be separated from my son recovering from surgery while he was undergoing his own treatment across town at Children's. No, sir.

Seven minutes later, Jackson Luke Corbett was born.

My legs were swollen three times their normal size for almost two weeks, but we did it. That's just who we are.

Now, kidney reflux for Jackson has been almost completely a non-issue. He takes a daily antibiotic and has an occasional UTI, and by occasional, I mean to say that he has had maybe 5 episodes his entire life, but this past year we've been making up for lost time.

So what is kidney reflux?

"VUR is the backward flow of urine from the bladder into the kidneys. Normally, urine flows from the kidneys through the ureters to the bladder. The muscles of the bladder and ureters, along with the pressure of urine in the bladder, prevent urine from flowing backward through the ureters.

VUR allows bacteria, which may be present in the urine in the bladder, to reach the kidneys. This can lead to kidney infection, scarring, and damage" (http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/tc/vesicoureteral-reflux-vur-topic-overview).

So with loved ones in town and the weekend agenda set, Jackson gets a really bad UTI, but he starts off with a nasty sinus infection that tricks us into thinking only chest-up with respect to his treatment. When we could not get his fever to break and he finally admitted that it hurts him to pee (Saturday around noon), we knew we were in trouble. The ER admitted him that afternoon.

It is now Tuesday and we've been here for 4 days. Fortunately, my loving husband was able and willing to stay with Jackson so that I could tend to our guests and make the best of our re-worked weekend. Rob and Katie drove back home yesterday and Sarah was due to fly out today. Weather, however, in ATL is sketchy and a dear friend at the airport was able to rebook her on a flight tomorrow to avoid her having to bunk down in an airport with a six-month-old after multiple cancelled flights. This was very good news (Thanks, Abbye!).

Some things I know for sure.

Hard times don't care if you have out of town company. When it is least convenient, most intrusive, life will creep in on you and remind you that you really aren't as in control as you think you are. How we respond in these moments is the true stuff of life, what we are really made of. Thanks to Prozac and Jesus, I am made of pretty tough stuff.

Friends often feel like family. We are so far away from family, but it never feels like we are alone. We are literally and figuratively surrounded by loved ones who reach close when we feel need and lack in our lives, which is rare. We didn't know a single soul when we first came here 8 years ago, so clearly we have worked to build a network around us. We have found the most precious people in our midst who love us so freely. Such a gift.

Jackson is dearly and deeply loved. I mean, truly. He is a charming little boy with a warm personality and an excellent sense of humor, but he is also living in a place where people love so deeply and freely. We are overwhelmed at times with the love that radiates over, through, and around us. Our friends and loved ones pray for him, ask about him, and delight in him. It make my heart so happy.

Shreveport-Bossier has magnificent health care. When we first moved here, I had a terrible malady--I believed that nothing here could ever be as good as what we had in Virginia Beach. I was wrong. Before we left Virginia, Jackson's pediatric urologist gave us a referral for one here in Louisiana--Dr. Mata. Never before have I felt more allied with a health care provider than I do with Dr. Mata. He is a true partner with us in Jackson's health care, and he makes sure we understand exactly what's going on in his body and with his treatment. We are grateful that he is Jackson's doctor and cannot imagine working with anyone else for Jackson's health and well-being.

We have everything we need because we have all of you. From a kind word, to a Starbucks, to a much-needed essential oil we'd left at home--our friends have come to the rescue. We are grateful for your love and support.

Today we received word that Jackson's fever is acquiescing. If he remains fever free tonight and tomorrow morning, then we can take him home to finish his recovery there. He will likely start school next week, but he will be able to be home with us. They will perform a special test in the morning, a VCUG, or "a voiding cystourethrogram, a minimally invasive test that uses a special x-ray technology called fluoroscopy to visualize your child's urinary tract and bladder" (http://www.childrenshospital.org/conditions-and-treatments/treatments/voiding-cystourethrogram) to determine whether the infection treatment has been effective. We expect to be discharged by early afternoon, if all goes well.

Long term, we will look into more aggressive treatments of the VUR condition, even as we are grateful that he has not been hospitalized more than just this once, rare for patients with Grade 5 (the worst) VUR.

So how was YOUR weekend? :-)

When a Bible-reading Challenge Spans the Centuries and Hits Home

We, the people of Grace Community, have been challenged by our pastor to read through the gospels in 90 days, starting August 1st. Last night, I got caught up. Today's reading in from Matthew 4: the familiar stories of Jesus' wilderness temptation, his preaching and healing ministry throughout Galilee, and the word about him spreading through all of Syria.

Syria caught my attention. Driving into work this morning, I heard an NPR story on Red River Radio about the siege in Syria and how it is cutting Syrians off from basic human needs to the point that, since January of this year, men, women, and children have been dying of starvation. The story featured the mountain town of Madaya, about 25 miles northwest of Damascus.

"And so Jesus went throughout Galilee. He taught in the synagogues. He preached the good news of the Kingdom, and He healed people, ridding their bodies of sickness and disease. Word spread all over Syria, as more and more sick people came to Him. The innumerable ill who came before Him had all sorts of diseases, they were in crippling pain; they were possessed by demons; they had seizures; they were paralyzed. But Jesus healed them all." (Matthew 4:23-24)

The embedded video is old news, from back in January. Once the story broke there was a huge push to get aid to these people, and the government temporarily acquiesced and allowed the aid entrance. But it wasn't enough then and it certainly isn't of help to the 40,000 people currently living (dying) in Mandaya on this very day.

I cannot help but read Matthew 4:23-24 in light of the story I heard this morning, pray for the people of Mandaya and those scattered all throughout the nation of Syria, research ways that I can be of help, which seems so pointless, since Syria's own government won't let supplies and relief aid past the country's heavily-guarded borders.

My prayer then becomes, "Lord, please help the people of Syria, especially Mandaya. Show me how I can be of help to these precious ones whom, though we may have, you have not forgotten."

Things I google late at night...

I have a terrible habit of googling late into the night. And let me tell you, there is a serious devolution to it. Last night it started with Pinterest (usually does) and moved on to Hotel Chelsea, then Dylan Thomas, and finally...death masks.

"Before the widespread availability of photography, the facial features of unidentified bodies were sometimes preserved by creating death masks so that relatives of the deceased could recognize them if they were seeking a missing person" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_mask).

Can you imagine having the job of creating such a thing? That's a fairly high level of tactile engagement with a dead body.

It could have been worse. One night, I spent the evening googling Jeffrey Dahmer.